https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/ Blog posts by Howard H. Thaw on the conversations that matter, from the boardroom to the kitchen table. en Wed, 11 Nov 2026 12:00:00 +0000 https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/castles-in-the-air https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/castles-in-the-air Fri, 06 Nov 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw In a family business, everyone at the table has already built a future. Most of them have never said it out loud. There is a word in Swedish and Norwegian that I first heard from my wife, and came to know well in my years in Sweden. Luftslott. A castle in the air. Magnificent from a distance... towers, windows, light... but with nothing underneath to hold it up. Most European languages have a version of it… Family members discuss the future of their business around an office table. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/putting-the-mask-away https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/putting-the-mask-away Wed, 04 Nov 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw What happens when you realize you have already been wearing a mask? Halloween is over. The costumes are back in the closet. The masks came off at the front door, easily, the moment the night was done. Ours don't always come off so easily. Because sometimes we forget we are wearing one. After last week's issue, a reader wrote to me with a question I have not stopped… Two senior colleagues have a candid, personal conversation after a work meeting. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/trick-or-treat https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/trick-or-treat Fri, 30 Oct 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw You never know what is on the other side of the door. But you can decide who you are when it opens. Tomorrow is Halloween. Children will walk up to doors they have never knocked on before, ring the bell, and wait. They have no idea what is on the other side. Someone generous. Someone distracted. Someone who forgot to buy candy. A surprise. A disappointment. Something they were not expecting. They… A consultant arrives at an office as a client opens the meeting-room door. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/what-changed-the-conversation https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/what-changed-the-conversation Fri, 25 Sep 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw Replace "why" with "what"... and watch a wall become a window. Have you ever asked someone a question — a genuine question — and watched them shut down? Not because the question was unfair. Not because you were trying to corner them. But because something in how it landed made them feel like they were being examined rather than heard. There is a fine line… A manager listens as a colleague relaxes and explains his thinking. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/fire-and-ice https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/fire-and-ice Fri, 18 Sep 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw Standing at the rift between two continents, I thought: that is what a difficult conversation looks like. I just returned from a week in Iceland, where I also celebrated a major milestone birthday together with my wife. It was one of those trips that stays with you — not because of what you see, but because of what it makes you think about. We stood at Þingvellir, at the edge of a rift between two… Two colleagues explore a challenging idea in a bright office overlooking a rocky coast. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/a-reason-to-step-away https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/a-reason-to-step-away Fri, 11 Sep 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw We have become very good at talking. We have not always been as good at having conversations. As Rosh Hashanah — the Jewish New Year — approaches, Ann and I find ourselves doing something increasingly rare in our busy lives. Stopping. Stepping away from the noise. Reflecting on where we have been, how we have lived, how we have treated one another — and who we want to be in the year ahead… Two business partners have a reflective conversation while walking in a city park. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/when-the-problem-becomes-the-person https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/when-the-problem-becomes-the-person Fri, 04 Sep 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw "I don't agree." Then "You never listen." Then "This is who you are." Have you ever been in a conversation that started as a disagreement — and ended as something else entirely? Not louder. Not more complicated. Just... different. The issue was still there. But somewhere along the way, it stopped being about the issue. It started being about the person. The… Two colleagues work side by side on a project after a disagreement. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/if-wed-only-known https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/if-wed-only-known Fri, 28 Aug 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw The argument was never about the dishes. The pushback was never about the curfew. Have you ever walked away from a conversation and realised — too late — that you missed what it was really about? The argument was never about the dishes. The pushback was never about the curfew. The silence was never about being fine. If we had only known what was really going on, we would have… An account manager asks a client about the concern behind a business proposal. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/managing-yourself https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/managing-yourself Fri, 21 Aug 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw "That felt personal. Is that what you intended?" Before you can deal effectively with another person, you have to be able to deal with yourself. You may feel angry, threatened, impatient, embarrassed, excited, or desperate to reach an agreement. Those feelings are real, but they do not have to decide what you do next. When emotion takes over, we… A project director pauses calmly before answering a frustrated colleague. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/courage https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/courage Fri, 14 Aug 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw "I have been waiting for you to say something. I stopped believing you would." Before strategy. Before leverage. There is a choice about who you are. Courage. From the Latin cor — heart. The original meaning was not bravery in battle. It was to speak one's mind by telling all one's heart. Not half of it. All of it. In a conversation, courage is holding your ground with… A manager speaks honestly to his team while colleagues listen thoughtfully. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/honest-vs-true https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/honest-vs-true Fri, 07 Aug 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw My father used to say: half the truth is a whole lie. My father, a man of simple, unwavering principles, used to say: half the truth is a whole lie. I did not fully appreciate that line when I first heard it. A founder I was advising was in the middle of a deal. A lot of moving parts. The investor asked a direct question: how much operating capital do… A founder gives a direct answer to an investor during a funding meeting. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/fair-vs-equal https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/fair-vs-equal Fri, 31 Jul 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw "We split it equally. That's what's fair." Then the mother asked: "Is it?" Negotiation isn't math. It's meaning. I sat with a family navigating succession. Two adult children. Their partners. Two parents who had built something together and now had to decide how to responsibly pass on their legacy. The daughter had worked in the business for twenty years. She knew every… A family discusses succession in the working office of their manufacturing business. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/shut-up-and-listen https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/shut-up-and-listen Fri, 24 Jul 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw Ten seconds. Twenty. Thirty. Then she said: "You know what I'm really worried about?" If you're always talking, you're not learning. And if you're not learning, you're not negotiating. The buyer was skeptical from the start. Arms crossed. Tone cool. Questions sharp and clipped. I answered a few of her questions. Just the essentials. Then I stopped talking. Ten seconds. Twenty… A procurement director explains a concern to a consultant who listens without interrupting. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/negotiation-is-not-a-performance https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/negotiation-is-not-a-performance Fri, 17 Jul 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw Someone asked me what the book is about. So I turned it over. Someone asked me what the book is about. I turned it over, so everyone could take a peek at what's inside. Everything I have been writing to you over these weeks — about clarity, about listening, about truth, about courage, about the pause — it lives here. If you see yourself in those lines, the… An executive sits with two employees for a practical conversation after a presentation. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/the-person-in-the-room https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/the-person-in-the-room Fri, 10 Jul 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw You don't rise to the level of your principles. You fall to the level of your orientation. Most negotiation advice answers the question: What should I say? The Negotiator's Compass answers a different question: How do I show up as the best version of myself when it matters most? That is the territory. The moment before you speak. The orientation that determines whether anything you say… A business leader listens steadily during a team strategy meeting. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/every-negotiation-has-two-conversations https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/every-negotiation-has-two-conversations Fri, 03 Jul 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw Positions are doors. Interests are the rooms behind them. Three questions to find out what's inside. Every negotiation has two conversations. The one you can hear — and the one underneath it that no one says out loud. Today I want to give you something practical. Because this isn't just a concept. It's something you can use this week. Here's the pattern. Someone comes to you with an ask. A clear… A founder speaks candidly with an adviser in a small business office. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/what-if-you-prepared-for-the-wrong https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/what-if-you-prepared-for-the-wrong Fri, 26 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw Most people walk in knowing what they want to say. Very few know what they actually want. Before I get to this week's theme, I want to pause. This week we lost Om Malik — journalist, photographer, founder of GigaOm, and a person whose curiosity was as deep as anyone I've ever sat across from. When you were with Om, you had his undivided attention. He didn't listen for the headline. He… A consultant listens closely to a client with his presentation set aside. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/what-happened-when-i-hit-publish https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/what-happened-when-i-hit-publish Fri, 19 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw The moment you hit the button, the work stops being yours. On Tuesday I published my first book. I want to tell you what that actually felt like — not the version you post about, but the real one. For ten years, these ideas lived in a safe place. In notebooks. In conversations over coffee. In the quiet space between knowing something and being willing to… Two professionals discuss an idea from a tablet in a bright coworking lounge. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/ten-years-of-silence-today-i-speak https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/ten-years-of-silence-today-i-speak Tue, 16 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw My first book. Ten years in the making. And why it took that long. For the past four weeks, I've been writing to you about the conversations that shape everything. The ones that feel personal and almost never are. The answer underneath the answer. The yes that quietly breaks things. The tone that arrives before your words do. The people who come to stir instead of… A business author reviews a printed manuscript beside his laptop in a home office. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/the-hallway-before-the-door https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/the-hallway-before-the-door Fri, 12 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw You prepared for their half of the conversation. You weren't preparing for yours. This week I've been writing about what happens when the pressure builds — the people who come to stir instead of solve, the gap between trigger and response, the conversation you have with yourself before the one across the table. Today I want to go to the place where all of that starts. The… A consultant pauses outside a meeting room while clients prepare inside. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/what-they-heard-before-you-said-a https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/what-they-heard-before-you-said-a Fri, 05 Jun 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw The words said: let's work through this together. The tone said: I've already decided. This week I've been writing about the moments where conversations go wrong — not because of what's said, because of what's underneath. Monday was about the things that feel personal and almost never are. Tuesday was about the first answer rarely being the real answer. Wednesday was about the yes… A client leans back slightly as a manager speaks during a business meeting. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/you-dont-find-your-bearings-inside https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/you-dont-find-your-bearings-inside Fri, 29 May 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw They prepared for what to say. They didn't prepare for how to stay. This week I've been writing about what it means to show up well in the conversations that matter. Today I want to go deeper into one idea — the one that took me the longest to learn. The hardest conversations don't fail in the middle. They fail before they start. They fail when you walk in without… An operations director pauses with her notes before entering a team meeting. https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/the-person-across-the-table-is-not https://negotiatorscompass.com/blog/the-person-across-the-table-is-not Fri, 22 May 2026 12:00:00 +0000 Howard H. Thaw They might be the reason you didn't sleep last night. They're still not your enemy. They might be difficult. They might be unreasonable. They might be the reason you didn't sleep last night. They're still not your enemy. The moment you decide they are, something shifts. You stop listening. You start defending. You narrow your focus to winning — and lose sight of everything else… Two business owners discuss a concern across a table in a naturally lit office.